Let me start this blog off by saying that everything that I write is my own thoughts and feelings on the situation that I am in. The opinions and feelings that will be expressed are solely mine.
A little backround into my story.......
I started dating my husband a little over 4 years ago. The first year and a half that we dated he was stationed in California and then deployed out of the United States so we are pros at maintaining a long distance relationship. After 10 years of service my husband decided to get out of the military and live a civilian life. That lasted for all of 1 year. In that year we got married and found out that I was pregnant. During the last months of pregnancy my husband joined the Reserves. Personally I think that when a person spends 10 years of their life in the military (he joined when he was 18), it is in you. He is military through and through. And you can't take that away from him. So we thought that the Reserves would be the best bet. He would work 1 weekend a month and be active 2 weeks a year. It's not full time military but its enough to keep my husband happy. We also liked the idea of the Reserves because it is highly unlikely that a reservist would get activated or so we thought....
Fast forward to July of 2011. It was a nice arm summer day. My husband was in the middle of his 2 weeks of active reservist duty and I was getting ready to take my year old son to the zoo with my cousin and my nieces. My husband called early in the AM, probably around 9:00 and right away I could tell that he was about to tell me something bad. He received word that he was being activated and deployed October 14th, 2011 out of the United States. My whole world felt like it was crumbling right before me. What was I going to do. I had a year old at home and in the matter of seconds I was told that for 10 months I would be a single parent. Not only that but they were taking my best friend away. I just kept thinking that again I was going to go a year without my other half. I know in the grand scheme of things a year is not that long. But that is much easier to say when you are not the one living through it.
Fast forward again to now. It has been a month since my husband has left. A long stressful month. He left on a Sunday morning. I started crying basically as soon as I woke up that day. We had to drop our son off at my parents before I took him to the airport. Sitting there listening to my husband talk to our year old son and tell him that he loves him and that he's sorry that he has to leave for a year was the worst thing I have ever heard in my entire life. My heart actually broke that day. We headed to the airport just like we had done multiple times when he was first deployed and we said our goodbyes and shed some tears while hugging and saying I love you. I watched my husband walk in line for active duty military members and waved goodbye one last time before I walked out.
From the moment I stepped out of that airport, I was a different person. I feel as though currently I hold the stress of the world on my shoulders and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I joke with my friends saying that everyday is like groundhog day because everyday is exactly the same. We laugh at that and they think that they understand but really they don't. My days are exactly the same. I wake up, get ready for work, get my son ready for work, drop him at daycare, go to work, leave work, pick him up, go home, make dinner, straighten up the house, put him to bed, go to sleep, and wake up the next day to do everything over again. Plus I have a 19 month old who has started his terrible two's and says "no" to everything that I say and do. And to top it all off, I haven't really had a conversation with my husband in over 2 weeks. I am used to talking to my husband everyday and dealing with life together with him. Now I deal with everything alone. I don't have his shoulder to lean on or his input on anything. And to top it off, I am almost jealous when he texts me to tell me that he enjoyed his training or whatever they were doing that day while I am home taking care of a child, paying bills, food shopping, cleaning, and doing everything else that the spouse who is left behind does to keep the house running.
I wanted to start a blog because from what I have gathered so far, people whose spouses are deployed need an outlet to let out all the various emotions that we go through on a day to day basis. This is just my way of expressing my happiness, sadness, fears, frustrations, and everything else that will come over me in the next 9 months!
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